What Does She Want?
by bridgetash
Summary: Ross and Rachel are together at last, but Emily has turned up in NY with twin daughters Ross never knew he had Ch17: Emily has the last word final.
1. The Sighting

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Part 1 The Sighting

Monica and Chandler had just settled the twins when Phoebe arrived. It had been more difficult to catch up since their move, but things were as strong between them all as ever. Ross and Rachel would be over soon, as would Mike, who was held up at work. Only Joey, with a break at last, would be missing, but although he _was_ missed, they were happy for him.

After greeting them Phoebe said,

I saw the weirdest thing when I was out today.'

What was that Pheebes?' Monica asked.

Well it's a strange thing to see after all this time, but I thought I saw Emily.' Monica and Chandler stared.

Emily?' Monica asked. This surely couldn't be true. Maybe Phoebe meant she had seen Emily in a metaphysical sense, in tea leaves or something. She certainly hoped so.

You remember?' Phoebe prompted.

Oh I remember all right,' Monica said darkly. It had all ended for the best, Ross with Rachel, the way it should have been, but Ross had been made miserable over Emily just because she wouldn't trust him. How dared Emily not trust her brother? That was practically accusing him of lying. He'd lost his home, most of his things and had been down for too long afterwards.

I was probably just imaging it,' Phoebe said, noticing her attitude.

You've got a horrible imagination,' Monica told her.

How good a look did you get?' Chandler asked.

Not that good – she had her back to me most of the time and it was in Bloomingdales so people were getting in the way.' Monica turned to Chandler. Something in his voice made her suspicious.

Why are you asking?' she demanded. He suddenly looked sheepish.

Well I didn't want to mention it. I could have been mistaken. I didn't want to upset you.'

I'm upset now. What are you not telling me?' Monica demanded.

I thought I saw Emily too,' Chandler said quietly.

What?' Monica squeaked.

It was yesterday. It looked a lot like her. She was at the end of the street with some tall blond guy. I thought it was her.'

Didn't you check?' How could he go around telling a story like that without being sure?

I didn't want to get too close in case she recognised me. I don't want to talk to her,' Chandler said.

Are you sure it was her?' Monica persisted.

I don't know,' Chandler shrugged, I could have made a mistake. What would she be doing here?'

Making trouble.' A woman who rings her ex the day before she marries someone else to ask if they had given up too soon was none too stable in her opinion. She could be planning anything. This is awful, I really hope it isn't her.' Suddenly the doorbell rang. Don't say a word to Ross or Rachel, it will only upset them.'


	2. Monica Sees For Herself

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Part 2 Monica sees for herself

Monica was the one who was upset. The whole of the next day she worried about what this would mean if Phoebe and Chandler were right. Phoebe had phoned the next day to say she couldn't be really sure it was Emily, and not to worry, but Monica wasn't reassured. Why would Chandler have had the same idea? And why would either of them suddenly imagine seeing Emily if she wasn't really there? She must be really there, walking around where anyone could bump into her

That Emily might ever come back had never occurred to Monica. After the whole business with Emily wanting to exclude Rachel and then, when Ross finally told her that she couldn't, Emily deciding she couldn't trust Ross, she had stopped thinking of Emily as having any connection with New York at all. When she thought about it, she realised just how little time Emily had actually been there. The phone call Emily had made just before her wedding (and what about that?) was unreal to Monica, one reason why she had been against the idea of Ross being told about it. Emily had nothing to do with him any more.

What did Emily have to do with Ross or any of them? She belonged in England. It was all a mistake that she'd ever come into their lives at all. If Rachel had been able to take Emily out to the Opera when she was supposed to, she'd never have met Ross, or at least he wouldn't have felt sorry for her and taken her off to Vermont and gotten involved. It had just been an unfortunate accident.

Monica had been worried that with Emily's call everything would start up again, out of Ross's misguided sense of failure. Fortunately he had decided that he didn't want to call Emily back, and hadn't, and that had been the end of it.

It should have been the end of it but what if it wasn't?

Monica tried to tell herself that it was ridiculous to think that Emily wanted anything. She could have been back at any time in the last six years – why would she come now? She must know that the relationship was over, really over, with no chance of resurrection. She should have known that years ago, when she'd gotten engaged to someone else. That was a pretty final way to reject someone. But if so, why would she phone the day before her wedding?

Maybe that was it. That marriage, if it had gone ahead, must have been doomed to fail. You couldn't go into a new marriage with such unresolved feelings about an ex, and expect that marriage to last. So it must have failed. She had heard that English divorces could take as long as five years sometimes. So maybe the marriage had lasted a little while, broken up and now she was here because she was free

She was still puzzling over this the next day while she was out shopping. She had had a number of household things to take care of as well as some things for the business. She didn't have much time and she was quickly walking along the street when suddenly she pulled up short. Someone had just passed her. Someone whose walk and shape seemed familiar. Monica spun around to look at the retreating back. It was her, she was sure of it. And while Monica was standing staring, she was getting away.

Forgetting what she was supposed to be doing, she went in pursuit, thinking all the time, it couldn't really be her could it? Was she just been neurotic? Monica saw the woman turn her head to look at something at her side. It really was Emily. Monica took a sharp breath in. She had been secretly hoping that, despite the odds, both Chandler and Phoebe had been mistaken.

Monica continued to follow. She didn't know what she was going to say but she didn't want to run the risk of losing Emily. By all accounts she could move pretty fast when she wanted.

Monica's head was full of a tangle of questions which could be summarised as What-are-you-here-for-what-do-you-think-you're-doing-you're-not-going-to-spoil-things!' More than one exclamation mark certainly. She'd catch Emily and she'd make her confess to whatever she planned and then she'd make her abandon whatever plan she had, because she must have a plan. She wasn't in New York for no reason. Nothing was going to ruin it for Ross and Rachel, nothing.

But Emily was going faster and after several people got in the way, Monica realised she'd lost her.


	3. Chandler's Discovery

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Part 3 Chandler's discovery

Monica berated herself for losing Emily but there had been nothing she could do about it. She was gone and Monica would never find her again, unless luck was on her side. Luck! How could it be on her side, she wondered. The fact that Emily was around at all told her that luck was not on her side.

She felt so unsettled that even though she stopped for a coffee and tried to relax, she couldn't, so she ended up going home. Spending time with the twins helped and she was almost able to push the Emily problem to the back of her mind.

In the evening, Chandler rushed in saying,

I've seen her again.'

'Emily?'

'Yes. What's more I think she saw me. She doesn't want to be seen,' Chandler said. Doesn't want to be seen? Maybe Emily had caught a glimpse of Monica too. Perhaps it wasn't just bad luck that Monica had lost Emily. Had she been avoiding her too?

I saw her too. I was looking for some new kitchen knives and she passed me on the street,' Monica said. She was thinking of replacements for the restaurant and was considering a change of brand. That job had been abandoned for the day and she realised that she would have to attend to it soon. 'I tried to follow her but she got away. Where were you when you saw her?'

In a delicatessen near where I work. I saw her buying marmalade,' Chandler said.

Marmalade?'

'Yes.'

'What were you doing in a delicatessen?' Monica asked. She took care of all the food and Chandler had no need to go into one.

It was my turn to buy the pastries,' Chandler explained.

You bought pastries?' Monica said, temporarily distracted. What was her husband doing eating someone else's pastries? Or any pastries at all? Much as she loved him she did not more of him round the middle.

You've got better things to do than make pastries for everyone at work,' Chandler said. If they want your pastries they can pay for them. They're nowhere near as good as anything you can make but if I bring anything from work they'll just get jealous.' But Chandler could see that Monica had returned to their problem.

What's she up to?' Monica fretted.

She might not be up to anything,' Chandler said. She might just be visiting relatives or something. Doesn't she have some here? I seem to remember an uncle.'

But why avoid you if that's all she's here for?' Monica asked. 'If she's just here to see an uncle, why would she care who sees her?'

Maybe she just doesn't want to see any of us,' Chandler said. They could pretty well bet that she wanted to see them as much as they wanted to see her but Monica just couldn't imagine her going out of the way to avoid them.

Do you think she's planning to see Ross?' Monica asked. She had had no hint from Ross or Rachel that either was aware that Emily was around. She was pretty sure they'd tell her if they knew. Emily was holding off for some reason and whatever it was, Monica didn't like it. It was bound to mean trouble.

Why hasn't she seen him already?' Chandler asked. He's not hard to find. She only has to ring him at work. Or even visit him there.'

How would she know where he was? When she knew him he was working at the Museum.' He hadn't kept that job because of her, although she wouldn't have known that. When Emily had told him she was engaged again, Ross developed an anger management problem which had resulted in him being 'let go' from the Museum. He hadn't been sacked exactly, but he hadn't been encouraged to stay. That had been a blessing in disguise because then he'd got his teaching job, which had been so much better for him, but Emily wasn't having any of the credit for that.

I guess someone might tell her if she really wanted to know,' Chandler said. Monica doubted it. Who could Emily possibly ask that would know?

I don't know about that. Maybe she's planning something. I don't like it. She was really down on Rachel, I think she wants to do something. After all Ross and Rachel have been through the last thing they need is more trouble.' They both knew that. Ross and Rachel loved each other but Monica was afraid that this wasn't enough to stop them splitting apart under pressure. There had been so many splits in the past and so many splits for stupid reasons.

Well I did find out something interesting,' Chandler said. She goes to that delicatessen every day – she's been there every day this week. So you can ask her what she's up to.'

Next instalment: Monica and Phoebe talk to Emily. What has she got to say for herself?


	4. Not the Whole Story

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Part 4 Not the whole story

Monica and Phoebe had been waiting near the delicatessen for more than three hours, but it felt a lot longer. Unfortunately Chandler had not been able to get an idea of exactly or even approximately when Emily would turn up and they didn't want to risk losing her, so they had arrived as soon as the delicatessen opened. They had both drunk more bad coffee and bad tea than they would wish. There had already been two false alarms and they had both had the fear that they'd actually seen Emily but somehow missed her.

At first they'd felt self conscious about so obviously observing the delicatessen, but they had long since passed the stage when anyone's opinion mattered. Particularly not the waitress's opinion.

This has to be the worst café ever, Monica said. Pick anything you like, she thought. Worst waitress, worst room, worst food, worst drinkHow many stars?' Phoebe asked.

A black hole,' Monica replied. Maybe two.' She did not care what the waitress thought of her either. How long have we been here?'

Three hours, forty two minutes and thirty three seconds,' Phoebe said. She didn't look at her watch but that sounded about right. Three hours, forty two minutes and thirty three seconds measured in simple time, about three days worth of frustrationI'm going to have to go to the ladies again soon.' They had been on frequent trips, partly because of the tea and coffee and partly because it was a reason to stand up and walk around. Their legs back and neck were stiff.

You go, I'll watch,' Phoebe said.

It's OK,' Monica said. She could hold out a little longer. Phoebe stood up and did some twists from the waist to relieve her back.

My back aches. Are we sure Chandler got it right?' Monica nodded. Chandler had actually dropped by two hours ago to find out how things were going and had confirmed that this was the right place. She couldn't blame Phoebe for asking though. They were at the stage of boredom where neither of them could think of anything or original to say.

Suddenly Emily came into view and they knew it was no false alarm. As one, Monica and Phoebe got up and followed her into the delicatessen.

I can't believe it,' she's actually here,' Phoebe whispered. She'd been beginning to wonder if Emily was really some kind of an apparition, but there she was at the counter, having just given her order.

There was a man looking for you,' the woman serving at the counter told Emily with a smile, It could be that you've got an admirer.' Monica ground her teeth. What had Chandler been saying.

I hope not,' Emily said, paying. I'm a happily married woman.' She turned around, saw them, and gasped. You two.'

Yes, "Us two."' Monica mimicked. We need to talk to you.' Phoebe had taken one of Emily's arms and Monica had the other. It seemed for a moment that Emily was about to resist but then she said,

Might as well get this over with. There's a café over there, we can talk there.' It was where Monica and Phoebe waited. They had paid but they hadn't bothered to leave a tip so didn't dare return even if they'd wanted to.

Oh not there, we've had it with that place,' Phoebe said, selecting another café, We'll go her, this looks much better.' Emily took her place first, facing the front of the café. As Monica and Phoebe seated themselves the waitress came for their orders and they all pretended that they were just three women out for a coffee with nothing serious to talk about. As soon as she left, Monica hissed,

What do you think you're doing here?'

I've got relatives here,' she said, Not that I need to explain anything to you,' Emily said.

Oh yes you do. You had just better make sure you steer clear of Ross,' Monica said. Don't try and see him while you're here.'

I've got no intention of seeing Ross again,' Emily said emphatically. I never want to see him again.'

I find that hard to believe,' Monica said, not really believing that anyone could mean that about her brother. Hadn't Emily made that begging phone call?

Why would I want to see someone who treated me so badly?' Emily said.

He treated you badly?' Monica asked incredulously.

He treated me abominably and I'll never forgive him,' Emily said.

Well he'll never forgive you,' Monica said, taken aback. She would never forgive him? What was she talking about?

I'm not sure I know what I did wrong. I got his name right and I certainly knew who I was supposed to be honeymooning with,' Emily said.

You didn't trust him,' Monica said resentfully. She hated the way Emily had put it. It made it sound as though Ross had been the one in the wrong.

So he's not with Rachel then?' Emily asked sweetly, and Monica couldn't help reacting. Damn, she thought to herself. She'd just allowed that woman to think her behaviour was justified. Emily went on. I'm not interested in where he is and who he's with, and I'll thank you if you don't tell him I'm here.'

You will? What are you doing here?' Phoebe asked.

My aunt is dying of cancer and there's no-one to look after her. My uncle and cousin are useless so I've come over for a few weeks. If it wasn't a matter of life or death I'd never have come back,' Emily said.

That's true is it?' Monica asked suspiciously.

I'd never make up such a horrible story,' Emily said in disgust. Anyway, now you now why I'm here and that I don't want to see Ross, so you can stop following me and hiding behind lamp posts. Don't think I haven't seen you.' She sipped her tea hurriedly. You look ridiculous.' Monica blushed, thinking of how she'd tried to shadow Emily through the streets.

So you stayed married or is that your third?' Monica couldn't help asking when she saw the ring.

Oh I stayed married.'

Does he know you called Ross the night before the wedding?' Monica asked, wanting to rub her face in it.

Yes. He knows everything.'

You can't really love him then,' Monica said.

Oh I do. He's done everything for me and I'd do anything for him,' Emily said seriously, so seriously that Monica couldn't help believing her. That was her insurance. Ross and Rachel were safe

Suddenly Emily's eyes widened and she made a sign with her hands. Seeing that this was for someone behind them, Monica turned to look. She could see a tall blond man carrying a small blond child walking away from the window. Monica looked back at Emily who looked ready to leave.

I've got to go,' Emily said. We've said everything there is to say. Goodbye.' She put some notes on the table and rushed out of the café. Monica realised something was up and said to Phoebe,

Stay there.' She followed Emily out and saw her catch up to the man with the child. But the thing that really grabbed her attention were the two small black haired girls who mobbed Emily, one each side, their voices piping,

Mummy! Mummy!' Monica stared in shock only just pulling back into the café in time to stop Emily seeing her as she looked back. But the blond man had seen her and they'd made eye contact which had stopped her running after Emily.


	5. Emily's Secret

Thanks for feedback so far. I have been reading it even though this is the first comment back I've made about it. I want to make this drama not melodrama so everyone has to have a plausible reason for doing what they do. Also the series is over and I take this to mean that if everyone's lives continued it would all be a lot more real' and not as simple as it appears on TV. I don't know how real' you will find this but we'll see. It will not be a Days of Our Lives type drama.

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Part 5 Emily's Secret

Monica staggered back into the café and almost fell into her seat. She could hardly believe what she had just seen. Her heart was racing. The images of the girls flashed across her mind. They had been there alright. She should have chased after Emily, confronted her, made her explain how she could possibly

Emily had been hoodwinking them all along, drinking tea, pretending she was telling everything yet all along hiding that. Monica would have pursued her to let her know that she knew now, and that she couldn't get away with hiding it any more, but the way that man had looked at her had stopped her dead in her tracks. It was as though he knew exactly what she wanted and he'd do anything to stop her getting it. She felt foolish now for letting him intimidate her. But EmilyWhat's wrong? What did you see?' Phoebe asked, recalling her to her surroundings. Miss, please bring some chamomile tea,' she ordered when Monica didn't speak straight away. The waitress, who had been standing close by, disappeared behind the counter.

I'm alright Phoebe,' Monica said. I've just had a shock.'

What is it?' Phoebe asked. What happened out there? I thought you were going to faint.' From Phoebe's point of view, she still wasn't certain that Monica wouldn't faint. Always slender, she looked so delicate and frail.

She's got children,' Monica said bleakly

We know that. That man was carrying one. And I think she's pregnant too,' Phoebe said. Did you see how she held her back a moment ago? That's a typical expectant mother pose, even though there's nothing much there to see yet. Apparently it's unconscious and you don't really realise that you're doing it.' She sighed. She was hoping that she would fall pregnant soon.

She's got two more,' Monica said flatly.

Three's a lot of children to have in five years, and number four on the way,' Phoebe said, surprised. She never struck me as an earth mother type although I suppose you can't tell what people would be like as mothers until they have children. I mean I never knew how it would hit me until I had the triplets and giving them away was so hard even though I knew I wasn't ever going to keep them and I know that that they're growing up just fine.' Phoebe knew that she was blathering on but she felt a strong urge to fill the silence between them. Monica was worrying her. The chamomile tea arrived and Phoebe smiled gratefully at the waitress for being so quick, such a change from the place they'd waited at before. She would definitely be leaving a tip. Maybe the tea would help, Phoebe thought anxiously. Monica was very agitated. Here Mon,' she said, pushing the tea towards her, Have some.' Monica took at sip and put the cup down, but her shaking hand made the tea to slop over the sides.

It helps if two of those four children are twins!' Monica laughed mirthlessly.

Oh yes,' Phoebe the multiple birth veteran said, So she's got twins. You've got twins.'

Pheebes, they have black hair,' Monica said. Phoebe frowned.

But she's – he's – ' Exactly. She was brown, he was blond.

They look just like I did when I was five,' Monica said. They are Ross's children. That's what she didn't want us to see.' Phoebe stared. She tried to shoo that man away before he could come into the café with those children. He did walk away, but I saw them outside. Ross's children Phoebe.' Monica felt like crying. Ross's children, and he didn't even know.

She's hiding them from us?' Phoebe asked, amazed.

It looks that way.'

But,' Phoebe said, They're Ross's children.'

Well she obviously hates him – she practically said so. She doesn't want him to know they exist,' Monica said.

But she would have – I mean she could have got alimony or child support or something if she'd told him,' Phoebe said.

She obviously didn't need it. That blond guy must be paying.' "he's done everything for me" came back to her. Emily had said that her husband knew everything. He'd have to, the girls looked so different. And one of the things he'd done for Emily was to raise those girls as his own. Her impression of him was brief and she wondered whether he did that grudgingly or wholeheartedly.

Why would she bring them to New York if she didn't want anyone to find out?' Phoebe asked. Monica could understand that.

She wouldn't have wanted to leave them behind if she had to come here,' she said. There was no way Monica would leave the twins anywhere if she had to go out of town. She had a hard enough time going out with Chandler and leaving them with the nanny. Phoebe nodded. Maybe she wanted her aunt to see them before she dies.' Some relatives got to share, others were kept in the dark, Monica thought bitterly. She was their aunt, she had more rights than Emily's aunt, who was only a great aunt by marriage to those little girls. Phoebe was shaking her head slowly.

But to keep it a secret? How could she? Ross has a right to know.;'

Revenge,' Monica said.

There's no point in revenge if he doesn't know about it,' Phoebe said. If it was revenge, she'd have told him and then said he was never going to see them.' But Monica didn't care about Emily's motives. Phoebe had raised the next problem. What are we going to do?' Phoebe asked.

I don't know, this is terrible,' Monica said, This will ruin things with Ross and Rachel, but I can't keep it a secret that he's got two more children. He's got a right to know.'

It might not ruin things with them. They're definitely together and Emily's in the past,' Phoebe said. Rachel had to make her choice in the end and she made it, she's not going to unmake it now.'

But if Emily's got two of his children he's going to have to deal with her if he wants to see them. He'll be stuck with Emily for the rest of his life. And Rachel is not going to be happy no matter what. Emily's the only one of his other girlfriends he actually married even if it was a complete disaster,' Monica said.

Rachel know Ross loves her,' Phoebe said. "She's not going to be worried about Emily, that was years ago.' Monica wasn't so sure. Her friend hadn't been so sensible in the past.


	6. Monica tells Ross

Monica felt a deep resentment of Emily that had nothing to do with her concealment of her children. Monica usually avoided thinking about her own infertility. She loved her babies and she suppressed her wish that she had been the one to carry them. She was so lucky to have them it seemed wrong to complain about how she had got them. She didn't resent Rachel for falling pregnant from a one night stand. She didn't resent Phoebe for having carried surrogate triplets and she was sure that when Phoebe announced a pregnancy with Mike, she would not resent that either. She didn't resent other pregnant women she saw in the street in the restaurant, although occasionally, for example when she saw them drinking wine she felt like lecturing them. "Think how lucky you are, don't do anythiing to spoil it." It wasn't anyone else's fault she couldn't bear a child and being jealous of others would not help.

But Emily was different. Somehow, for some reason she couldn't fathom, Emily had conceived twins. God, Nature, the Universe, had decided that Emily would be blessed with fertility, the easy fertility that meant that Emily didn't have to even think about how to get pregnant, she just did. It had been decided that Monica would not be blessed with knowing what it felt to have life inside her. _Two_ lives. Why should Emily be given not one, but two children, just like that? And her brother's children? Emily, who wasn't going to stay married to her brother, Emily who wouldn't trust him, Emily who couldn't have really loved him as he deserved? Yet she had somehow taken two children from him. Monica knew that was illogical - if there was no Emily then there would no little girls - but that was how she felt. Emily had had this gift to which she had no right.

Emily probably hadn't even wanted them to begin with. How could she? With a broken marriage, how could Emily want to be a single mother? She can't have been able to count on someone else to help her out? Ross would have done the right thing, but with the marriage over, she would still have been single. It was not the same. Of course Rachel had taken on single motherhood but that, Monica felt, was different. Rachel cared more for Ross at that point in her life than Emily must have when she discovered she was pregnant, and Rachel was Rachel anyway. Maybe Emily had even considered abortion. Monica shuddered. She obviously hadn't chosen that, if it was ever a choice, but the thought may have cross her mind. Emily had ended up with two little girls, when Monica, with the love of her life, had had to adopt and to forget about ever bearing one of her own.

Even worse, Emily was now, according to Phoebe, expecting her _fourth_ child. Fourth! Why should Emily be able to have all those children and Monica none? And how could she keep them to herself?

Monica and Phoebe had decided that it was her job to tell Ross. She'd have to tell him as soon as possible, before Emily took the children away again and he lost his chance. She went to Ross's apartment where she found Ross and Rachel together.

'Hey Monica!' Rachel said.

'Hey Rachel,' Monica said, hugging her but wishing she could find some way to get rid of her.

'Hi Monica,' Ross said as Monica sat down, 'You haven't been round for weeks.' She felt a little guilty about this, even though she had a good excuse, and said,

'It hasn't been weeks, only ten days.'

'Ten days is more than one week so it is "weeks" ' Ross said. Monica threw a cushion at him and Rachel rolled her eyes.

'Well you could come more often to me,' Monica said. 'You know it's hard for me.'

'Well you did have to go and have twins,' Ross said with a laugh that tore at Monica. 'Double trouble.'

'What if I had had twins?' Rachel wondered, awed. 'That would have been really amazing.' Monica wondered whether Emily had thought it was amazing.

'You'd have twice as much shopping to do,' Ross said.

'Shopping!' Rachel said, 'That reminds me. I've got to get some more shoes for Emma. I don't know why they don't last long, I just can't see what she does with them that wears them out.'

'We'd have to get twice as many shoes if we had twins,' Ross said.

'Some shoes for yourself maybe?' Monica joked. Then to her great relief, Rachel said,

'Hm, maybe,' Rachel laughed, 'I will come by your house though, maybe tomorrow night?' Rachel glanced at Ross.

'We'll both come,' Ross said.

'Good,' Monica said. They said their goodbyes to Rachel and Monica turned to Ross.

'I've got something to tell you,' she said.

'What is it?' Then he noticed her face. 'Monica, what's wrong? Has something happened?'

'Ross, I've seen Emily.' She would have to be careful to rein in her feelings.

'Emily? Here in New York? You spoke to her?' Ross asked curiously. He had no idea what was coming next and Monica couldn't stop herself,

'Ross, she's got children.'

'Yes,' Ross said uncertainly.

_'Your_ children.'

_'Children?'_ Ross exclaimed.

'Two little girls, twins, about five years old with black hair, who look just like I did when I was that age. There's no mistake, they're the right age - they're yours.'

'No,' Ross said, 'No, no, no. That must be a mistake.'

'It's no mistake, I saw them, with her. They called her "mommy." And I can tell how old they are because they're about the same size as my next door neighbour's child. She's five and a half.'

'It must be a mistake,' Ross said, sounding dazed, irritating Monica.

'I can't believe it. I can understand that you've been involved in one unplanned pregnancy, but two? Rachel _and_ Emily. Didn't you use any contraception with her? Wasn't she using the pill?' Ross shook his head.

'No, it made her sick so she didn't take the pill. We used other methods.'

'All the time or just sometimes?' Monica interrogated.

'Monica-'

'I guess you just forgot once in a while!' Monica raged. He forgot and he let Emily get pregnant with twins. Twins! It wasn't his fault they were twins but she almost felt that it was. 'How could you be so irresponsible?' Ross was fed up with being told off and snapped back,

'Hey, we were engaged, okay? If anything had happened it wouldn't have been a big deal. So what if we forgot once or twice -' or maybe several times, he really couldn't remember. He knew they had stopped being so careful once they were engaged because it hadn't seemed to matter so much. 'I mean if everything had worked out no-one would have been saying it was a problem. They would have said it was a bit soon - we would have said it was a bit soon but it wouldn't have been the end of the world if there was an accident.'

'Well you've had your accident, how does it feel?' Monica said.

'It's not the end of the world. Two little girls are not the end of the world,' Ross said. 'Don't ever say that.'

'No, I won't say that,' Monica said. She was wrong.

'But how could she hide them from me?' Ross asked. Monica knew the answer to that one.

'Because she's an evil bitch.' Ross shook his head.

'That's not a _reason._ She must have known she was pregnant when we split up - well maybe she didn't, but she must have known when she told me she was getting married again.' Ross stared at Monica. 'She got married to another man while she was pregnant with my children. Oh my God, do you think he knows?'

'He'd have to know,' Monica said, 'He's blond. And Emily told me that "he's done everything for her" so she must have meant this, marrying her when she was pregnant with someone else's children. Agreeing to bring them up with her.' Ross shook his head, trying to absorb all this.

'She went into that engagement on purpose. To replace me. And all she said was that she was getting married not that she was pregnant. She must have known but she chose not to tell me.' Ross suddenly thought of something. 'The phone call.'

'What call?'

'The one after I was nearly killed, the one you heard. Did she say anything about it?'

'No.'

'Are you sure?' Ross persisted, 'You didn't like her much then.'

'I'm really sure. I wouldn't have hidden a thing like that from you,' Monica exclaimed. She would have gotten over her feeling about Emily for the sake of the child - children, if she'd have had to. 'If she'd said she was pregnant that would have changed everything. But she didn't.' Monica frowned, trying to remember. 'All she did was ask you to call, if you were thinking about her. She said nothing.'

'Oh my God,' Ross moaned. 'I should have called her.'

'Ross, you don't know what she would have said. Maybe she wouldn't have said anything.'

'She probably would have, what would we have had to talk about apart from that?' Ross said. 

'She seemed to be having second thoughts,' Monica said. 'It was probably only after I didn't call her that she decided she'd never tell me.' Ross put his head in his hands. This was all so hard. He suddenly had four children. Two little girls, and not baby girls, children who had already been introduced to the world, were maybe already at school. They had abilities, likes, dislikes that he had no idea of...

'What are you going to do Ross?' Monica asked quietly.

'I don't know. I'll have to talk to her I guess. If I can find her before she leaves.'

'You will,' Monica said.

'I don't know what I'm going to say,' Ross said. 'What can I say? What's she going to say? Will she even see me?'

'We'll make her,' Monica said, not knowing how. They sat in silence for a while and then she said tentatively. 'Then we'll have to tell everyone else.' Their parents. 'Rachel.' Ross looked at Monica.

'I know, but not yet. Let me speak to Emily first and find out what's going on.'


	7. Monica tells Chandler

**Monica tells Chandler**

Feeling exhausted, Monica told Chandler the whole story as soon as she got home. He listened in silence while she told the whole thing, sometimes incoherently.

'Wow,' Chandler said, when she'd finished, 'Two little girls.'

'Yes,' Monica said. 'Not one, two.' Chandler frowned.

'You know, I think I've seen them.'

'You what?' Monica exclaimed, 'You saw them and you didn't tell me? How could you not tell me? My God, Chandler!'

'I didn't know they were hers did I?' Chandler said reasonably. 'There was another woman there, I thought they belonged to that woman, not to Emily. I just never thought of Emily with children and even if I did, I would have expected her children to be younger, you know.' He shook his head in amazement. 'And you say she's got three, with another on the way.'

'She might be expecting twins,' Monica said bitterly. 'Then she'll have five.' And Monica would have... Chandler took her in his arms and hugged her.

'Mon, don't think about other people. We may not have our babies the way we wanted them, but we've got them, and we're going to give them better lives than people who just have children by accident, because we wanted them and we chose them.' For the moment, Chandler didn't care that Rachel and Ross had had an accident with Emma, he cared only about Monica.

'I know,' Monica said, feeling torn. 'But you know how I feel.' Chandler did - he felt the same. They had been there so many times before that they didn't need to re run the conversations. 'Anyway, it's not just _any_ children she's got, she's got my brother's children, and she's been keeping them from him.'

'How did he take it when you told him?' Chandler asked.

'He was shocked of course. He couldn't believe it, but he had to, it's not something I would ever joke about.' Not something anyone could joke about... Chandler gave a short laugh.

'Gee, all we need now is for Chloe to turn up with a child -' Chandler was surprised that Monica hit him very hard, screaming as she did so. 'I'm sorry,' he said, trying to protect himself as she struck at him.

'This is not funny!' Monica cried, 'Not funny at all. How can you say that? How can you make a joke of my brother? I thought you were his friend!' She hit him a few times more. Of all the times to crack a joke, if you could even call it that. How could he not take it seriously?

'I am his friend,' Chandler protested.

'It doesn't sound like it!' Monica retorted. She had stopped trying to hit Chandler and had put her face in her hands. It was just too awful.

'I'm sorry,' Chandler said.

'It's not a joke,' Monica said indistinctly, but she let Chandler rub her back.

'I know. But your brother's made a habit of being careless,' Chandler said, 'I mean he's had one slip up with Rachel and now this.' He realised that it was really the other way around but he couldn't help of thinking of Rachel first. They knew Emma first. They didn't even know what these little girls were called.

'Like he said, how careful are you when it's your fiance?' Monica said bitterly. How she would have loved an accident... But she had to stop getting distracted by these thoughts.

'So what's he going to do?' Chandler asked.

'Find her, talk to her, if he can, if she'll listen.' Monica didn't have high hopes of that. The fact that Emily was trying to keep it secret, even keep it secret that she was in New York at all suggested she wouldn't be willing to talk to Ross.

'What about Rachel? When is she going to be told?' Chandler asked.

'He wants to leave telling her until he knows where he stands with Emily. You know, is she going to be a stepmom - I mean a stepmom _again_ or not?' Chandler nodded. 'I don't like it, but I can see his point.'

'Rachel's not going to like it, no matter what.' She would hate that Emily of all Ross's exes was the one to have another child by him. Even Chloe wouldn't bother her that much because whatever she said, she knew that Chloe never mattered to Ross. Her problem with Chloe had always been how Ross's behaviour reflected his feelings for Rachel. But Emily, he had chosen, and if circumstances had been a little different she could still be married to him today.

'How could Emily do this? Hide his children?' Monica exclaimed. She couldn't help thinking of everything he'd lost already, by missing out on them.

'Well they'd split up,' Chandler said.

'I know, but they were his children, he had a right to know. Just because they split up didn't mean he didn't have a right to know.'

'I know Monica. I guess she just wanted a complete separation.' Monica frowned.

'I just can't understand how she could hate him that much.'

'Hate?'

'She must hate him to do this to him,' Monica said.

'Well she probably doesn't have any good memories of him, what with the wedding and then the airport. I guess that wiped out anything that went before,' Chandler said. 'But I don't know whether it's _hate_ that's at the bottom of this. If she didn't need his help to bring them up, then she might have just seen telling Ross as just a problem for her, keeping her in contact when she didn't want to be in contact.' Not if he didn't want her for her. 'And you must admit, it would have caused problems.' Maybe Ross and Rachel would never have been able to get together. Chandler couldn't imagine how it would have been but there would surely have been quite extensive wrangling between Ross and Emily. Ross would not have been able to move from Emily so easily if he was still tied to her. In fact it was even possible they wouldn't have got divorced at all. He'd had enough problems with it being divorce number two - divorce two with pregnancy two might have been more than he could resist. That may well have meant that he would have had to move to London - they had already seen how hard Emily could bargain and they couldn't imagine that if she had told him, that she wouldn't have used her pregnancy as a way to make him live with her. Would that have worked? Life would have been totally different.

'I just don't know what Ross will do if she says no,' Monica said.

'Do you think she will?' Chandler asked.

'Well I don't see that she's going to suddenly turn around and be reasonable. She's not known for being reasonable,' Monica said. 'She might start making demands again as a condition of seeing the children.' That was the problem. Emily had all the power in this situation and they knew she wasn't afraid to use it. This time, Ross would not be able to turn his back on whatever demands she made. Monica couldn't think of what these might be for the moment but she was sure that she might make some pretty unpalatable demands.

'True, but Ross has got rights. And it's all years ago since anything happened between them, maybe she might have a different attitude,' Chandler said.

'She's had nearly six years to get a better attitude,' Monica said, 'And she definitely didn't want Ross to know she was even here, let alone that she had children.'

'I know but she probably hasn't thought about it at all. She lives in another country. It's not as though she's going to be running into Ross or into people who know Ross, so that she's going to have to admit that she's had his children.'

'I hope she's going to have a better attitude,' Monica said. All she had was hope.


	8. My Children

**My Children**

'Are you okay Ross?' Rachel asked on their way to Chandler and Monica's the next evening.

'Oh, er, what was that sweetie?' Ross said, suddenly aware that Rachel had spoken but unable to work out what she had just said.

'You're not concentrating,' Rachel said, annoyed. He was the one who had insisted on driving. She would have been perfectly happy to do the driving - she would have preferred it, he seemed so absent minded today, but Ross had been in an "I can take care of everything mood today." He had even tried to carry all of Emma's things down from the apartment, as well as Emma. Emma however had preferred Mommy today, so no juggling was required.

'Sorry,' Ross said, but to Rachel that sounded offhand and she said severely,

'You're driving, you should be more careful. We've got Emma in the back.'

'Sorry.' That still sounded too offhand to Rachel. Didn't he realise how important it was to drive safely? Emma had her whole future ahead of her, a future that could be wiped out in seconds if Ross wasn't careful. They hadn't had any near misses, but that wasn't the point.

'Don't you care about your child?' Rachel asked, trying to get some reaction.

'Don't say that!' Ross exploded, scaring Rachel. That was a lot more reaction than she had expected. That had come out of nowhere, and she found that she was pressing herself against the side of the car to be as far away from him as possible. 'Of couse I care about my children,' he said angrily, '_both_ of them.' Emma started wailing in the back, and red faced and upset, Rachel reached between the car seats to calm her down.

'There there, sweetie, Daddy's not cross at you, you're a good beautiful little girl, yes you are,' she said, aware of Ross's tension. She soothed Emma down and then retreated into hurt silence for a few minutes. She wondered why Ross had said '_both_' like that. She hadn't even hinted at Ben - of course what she had said would apply just as much if he was in the car with them. She had never ever suggested that he should treat Emma any better just because he loved Rachel and didn't love Carol. Ben was just as important to him as Emma. Was he mad at her for suggesting that he wasn't - even though she had done no such thing? But he had been acting weird for a couple of days. It couldn't be anything to do with Ben.

It was several minutes later when Ross said,

'Sorry.'

'I just wanted to know whether you were okay or not,' Rachel said.

'Why shouldn't I be okay?' Ross asked evasively.

'You haven't been listening to anything I've been saying and now you're snapping at me. Are you mad at me for something? I'd like to know if it was my fault.'

'No,' Ross said immediately, 'No Rachel I'm not mad at you, you haven't done anything wrong. You never do anything wrong.'

'Wow can I hold you to that?' Rachel said, surprised. This was not her Ross talking. They weren't afraid to disagree with each other or tell each other that they were wrong - they did that all the time. 'What's going on?'

'Nothing's going on. It - it's just work.'

'Work?'

'Yeah, very boring but it's annoying me.'

'Oh,' Rachel said. 'No-one stole your sandwich or anything?' His reaction to a stolen sandwich had been a high watermark of his reaction to the aftermath of Emily. An idle thought crossed her mind - how upset would he be if he lost Rachel? She pushed it aside. She'd seen him unhappy - things would have to be very wrong indeed before she could be the cause of that. Thank goodness all of his problems with Emily were truly in the past. There was nothing lingering that could disturb him.

'No,' Ross said, and then improvised, 'Er yes, not my sandwich no but I buy a can of soft drink every day - '

'You never told me you did that.' They had formed a vague plan that they would protect Emma's diet by keeping her away from junk food including soft drinks, so there was none at either of their apartments, apartments that would soon be merging.

'No, it's not important, only once in a while someone takes it. They take it, even though I've got my name on it. I put a sticky label on the can every morning - it's quite clear whose drink it is. They're not that expensive they can get a can of their own. Or even ask me - I'm not selfish, if someone really needed that drink, you know, I'd probably let them have it if I wasn't very thirsty myself, but someone just takes it,' Ross said, 'Even though it's got a label on it.'

'That's annoying,' Rachel said. And then wondered. 'It's annoying Ross, that's all it is.'

'Yes I know.'

'It's just a soft drink - you can get another one from a vending machine.'

'I know.'

'You won't go thirsty,' Rachel said.

'I know.'

'There's no need to scream at everyone.'

'I'm not going to scream at everyone, it's all under control. I don't have an anger management problem any more.' There were reasons for it then, when he'd felt his life was out of control. He wondered just then whether it could come back, because now, in some way, his life, or at least a part of it was out of control. The person who was at the top of his mind then was once again, at the top of his mind.

'You just shouted at me for no reason,' Rachel pointed out.

'I'm sorry but I get like that when anyone says things like, that I don't care about my kids.'

'Oh Ross, I didn't mean to say you didn't care about your kids, I just wanted you to be careful with your driving. It worries me that you're driving and not concentrating. iI know you're driving well but it still worries me.'

'I know,' Ross said, 'I shouldn't have yelled at you, it's not your fault.' 'Well,' Rachel said 'As long as you're not going to start having problems.' There was no possible reason for him to have problems. Everything in their lives was perfect. She couldn't help smiling. She turned back to look at Emma who was playing with a toy dinosaur. 

'I won't.' His life would not get out of control. But at the moment he was having difficulty in tracking down Emily and he was starting to feel a growing sense of panic. He had a feeling that if she left without him seeing her he would never ever have the chance to see his children. Emily's uncle was not at Bloomingdales being on some kind of leave of absence. That would make sense if his wife was seriously ill, Ross thought. He had no idea where his son, Emily's cousin, could be contacted, not that he wanted to find him unless it was really necessary. That cousin had evicted him at a time when he'd had more than enough troubles, treating him like he'd done something wrong. He'd have to talk to him, if there was no choice but someone at Bloomingdales had promised to try to pass a message through, and maybe that would succeed.

'Ross?' Rachel asked in an insistent way that made him realise that it wasn't the first time she'd spoken.

'Sorry.'

'Again?' Rachel couldn't help asking. 'We're here.' He hadn't realised it but he'd managed to find Monica and Chandler's house without really thinking about it.

'Oh,' he said. And surprising Rachel considerably he pulled her into an embrace and kissed her, apologising in his mind for the trouble he was about to bring into her life.

'Ross is so absent minded today,' Rachel said at dinner, 'You'll have to forgive him if he drops out of the conversation.' Monica looked at him sharply. He gave her a little "I can't help it shrug." He had already told her in a very quick conversation that he had not had any luck in finding Emily. She had responded that they had better be quick and she told him that Phoebe had agreed to watch the delicatessen and that she would phone him if she saw Emily. 'You'll have to give him all the soft drinks he wants,' Rachel said.

'Soft drink?' Chandler looked at her in puzzlement.

'Someone's been stealing his soft drinks at work, even though he labels the can.'

'At least we don't have all the shouting,' Chandler joked, 'I don't think we could stand all that again.'

'No,' Rachel said, and to Ross's relief didn't talk about the shouting in the car. He felt ashamed of it - taking it out on the innocent Rachel. How was he going to tell her? But first he had to work out what he was going to tell her.


	9. What Phoebe Saw

****

What Phoebe saw

Phoebe waited near the delicatessen ready to call Ross at the first sign of Emily. Emily didn't turn up but the tall blond man did. He was striking because of his height and also because he was with the three children, leading his son by the hand while the two girls perhaps five or six — Phoebe would work it out later — ran forwards and back and around him. In the shop they waited impatiently for him to make a quick purchase and then the little group went towards the park, the girls straining to get ahead.

Phoebe decided to follow. If Emily came outside, she would probably join them. Even if she didn't she would hardly go to the delicatessen again, and she could also follow the little family back to wherever it was that they were staying. Then they could watch that building. Meanwhile she could hang out at the park and not be noticed and she'd get a really good look at the children.

At a nod from the blond man, the two black haired girls raced for the swings. The man followed more slowly, leading his toddling son by the hand. Presumably that one was his, Phoebe thought. The child was blond, just like the man.

Phoebe found a park bench and watched the two little girls. It was just like watching two little Monicas playing on the swings, swinging as high as they could. She almost held her breath. The only thing that was different were their voices with their English accents.

I can go this high!' cried one.

I can go this high!' insisted the other.

I can go higher than you!' called the first, and Phoebe smiled. Was that the Monica Competitiveness Streak coming through?

Steady on you two,' the man called. A bit lower please.' She watched them let the swings wind down and run over to the toddler — their brother — and lead him to the swings. There was something in the way they moved that reminded Phoebe this time of Ross. Who needed genetic testing? She watched as they put their brother on a swing and began to push him gently.

I thought there were laws against stalkers in this country,' said a precise english accented voice. She jumped. The blond man sat beside her. There are in England — or is the US a little backward?' He was looking straight at her.

I'm not a stalker.'

Just doing an impression of one?' Phoebe didn't bother denying that she'd been watching.

Look I'm curious. I've just found out one of my best friends has children he didn't even know about,' Phoebe said.

He could have flown over at any time to see Emily, if he'd ever been interested in her, so I don't have much sympathy with that position.'

Flown over?'

Instead of abandoning her for that bit of totty.' Phoebe wasn't sure what that meant but she didn't think it was polite, not from the way he twisted out the word. Before she could retort something suitable the man said, icily polite, Seen enough? Because if you have, then please leave and stop pestering my wife and children.' He had half an eye on the girls and as one of them started to climb a fence he called out, Emma! Stop that!' The little girl climbed down guiltily and her sister who had been about to do the same, stepped away as though the idea of climbing the fence had never occurred to her. Their little brother was also looking longingly at the railings.

You called her Emma?' Phoebe asked, shocked.

Why not?' the man said absent, still focussed on the children.

Ross's daughter — I mean his youngest daughter is called Emma. It's going to be confusing having two of them with the same name,' Phoebe explained.

It won't be because there aren't two of them,' the man said. These are my daughters, not his, that's all there is to it.'

Well Ross has got rights,' Phoebe reminded him. I'd say that was true even in your country, or are you a little backward?'

He'll have to prove them first. They won't listen to any chancer who comes along claiming fatherhood.' He looked at her coolly. I do hope you people aren't going to cause trouble. This is a difficult time for Emily and I really don't want to see her upset.'

If she could just be reasonable about it no-one would be upset,' Phoebe said. It could all turn out great for everybody even yet, if they could just co-operate. One big extended family.

She'd like to protect her family as any mother would.'

Protect! Ross is a nice guy you know, no matter what you might have heard from Emily. And those children have got an aunt, cousins, grandparents that they'll never know if you won't let them meet,' Phoebe said.

But they all live in America while Emma and Jane live in England, so that's all rather theoretical,' the man said, sounding bored.

Well you could come over here,' Phoebe said. It seemed quite obvious to her.

Oh I don't think so,' the man said. I've got a job, we've got a house and all our family and friends in England. I take it that you've told this Ross about the girls.'

Monica will. She's not going to keep secrets from her brother,' Phoebe said. The got up.

Of course. Emily trusted you, although I don't know why. She's got too much on her mind at the moment, poor love. I'd better go and warn her. Under other circumstances I'm sure it would have been nice meeting you, whatever your name is.'

Phoebe,' she volunteered but he was already walking towards the children.

Come on you lot! Time to go,' he called to them.

Oh Dad!' Emma and Jane wailed, as well they might because they'd hardly played at all.

Come on, I'll take you to the movies, how about that?' he said.

Yay! Shrek!' they screamed. Phoebe knew the movies had been a blatant bribe by the way the man's shoulders sagged.

Yes, again,' he said as they came running up to him, dragging their little brother behind them, and the four of them walked away, children chattering in animation. Whatever was going on, Phoebe realised that this man was a force to be reckoned with.

Phoebe felt a pang as she watched them go. The girls were more like Ross than either Ben or Emma — Rachel's Emma she thought she'd have to call her now. There had been something in the way they'd looked at the man that was exactly like Ross. It was just so wrong


	10. Emily Stands Firm

****

Emily stands firm

It was strange to hear her voice again. Ross had finally found a number on which he could contact Emily. He felt out of control as she briskly suggested a time and a place to meet, at her uncle's house. The call was ended before he could ask if the girls would be there.

I've got two more daughters, Ross thought, awed. Suddenly the number of children he had had just doubled. Two little girls, already about five. They had grown up, somewhere else, with experiences he hadn't known about. They might even be at school now. He had so much to learn about them. He wondered how they would react when they saw him and whether it would be easy to establish a relationship. Sure, he was a stranger to them but then they did have genetics in common. There must be some connection they could make, purely by reason of blood.

He knew it was irrational, but he wondered how they could have existed all this time and he not know of it. He had no colleagues in London that might know anything about Emily or his connection with her. There was no-one to report back anything strange. Hiding them was something Emily could not have gotten away with if she had been a native New Yorker. New York might be big, but you kept running into people you knew all the time. Someone would tell someone and it would be known.

How that would have affected the rest of his life was unknown. Maybe they would have gotten back together. But if she had been a native New Yorker, there would have been no rush to get married. They would have just carried on dating, getting to know each other. They would have been more careful about contraception.

At the house, the cousin who had thrown him out of his apartment, all those years ago, let him in. They glared at each other.

'Oh it's you again. Emily's running late, you'll have to wait,' he said, showing Ross into the front room. 'You'll excuse me if I don't join you.'

'Excused!' Ross said. After another mutual glare, he was left alone.

For ages.

'I've been waiting nearly an hour!' Ross said angrily when Emily finally arrived. Alone.

'I'm sorry, I'm sure my aunt will time her relapses more considerately next time if I ask her nicely,' Emily said. 'I've just come from the hospital and I'm not feeling in the mood for this.' She looked tense.

'Your aunt's ill? I'm sorry,' Ross said, chastened. 'Is she going to be okay?'

'No. She's dying. It will happen soon I think and then I'll be going home so there'll soon be no danger of running into me by accident,' Emily said, sitting down and crossing her legs.

He was silenced for a moment while he absorbed this, and he looked at her curiously. When he'd known her, she'd been bubbling with enthusiasm, spontaneous, impulsive… He had never given this any thought before but in a sudden rush of insight he realised that perhaps she'd been like that because she wasn't at ease with herself or her place in the world. The contrast with the way she looked now was striking, the reason he'd had that insight at all. Now she looked settled. She was staring back at him steadily and he wondered for a moment what she was seeing…

Then he remembered he wasn't there for a social chat and neither was she.

'Why didn't you tell me about our children?'

'After what happened between us, I never wanted to see you again,' Emily said. 'I don't particularly want to see you now, but it's been unavoidable.' He stared. She'd hated him that much? But that wasn't quite right.

'You rang me, just before you got married. You did want to see me. You could have told me then,' he said. She could have told him at any time since then.

'Oh _that_ call? The one you didn't return?' Emily asked. 'I didn't want you to be influenced by my pregnancy. If you wanted me back it had to be for me, not because you felt you had a duty. I wasn't going to be your private charity. You didn't ring back, so that really was the end of it. The next day, when I gave myself to David, I gave him the children too.'

'You had no right to do that!' Ross exclaimed.

'I had every right,' Emily said. 'He loved me and he wanted to be a father. And I knew he would be a better father than you.'

'That's outrageous,' Ross said, 'I'm a good father to Ben, you know that. How can you say that?' This was just one insult after another. She'd seen him, hadn't she? She knew he loved Ben. How dared she say that someone else would have been a better father than him? He was too angry to stay seated and he started pacing the room. She stayed seated, apparently undisturbed.

'You would only ever have been a part time father, like you are to Ben, and my girls deserve more than that,' Emily said.

'Part time?'

'Our marriage was over Ross, what do you think? I was never going to come back to New York,' Emily said, 'So you'd only ever have been an occasional visitor in their lives. You'd made it clear that you would never move to London.'

'You know why,' Ross said. He wanted to be a good father to Ben, that was why.

'Yes I do.'

'You could have come back to New York, I'd have supported you,' Ross said. 'We might not have stayed married but we could still have lived together to bring them up. It wouldn't have been charity, just the right thing to do.'

'You think I could live with a man who doesn't love me?' Emily asked. Maybe he was romancing, Ross thought, it had all been far too late by then for them to live together on any terms. He couldn't now imagine how his friends would have taken it, and how could he have formed any relationship with Rachel with Emily living in the same house, Emily who blamed Rachel for everything in the first place. In fact the idea really didn't bear thinking about.

He would have had to support Emily in separate accommodation where she wouldn't be in contact with Rachel or any of the others. How he could have afford that was another question…

'It would have been horrendous. I'd have been on my own, away from my parents and all my friends,' Emily said. 'I would have had to give birth in a foreign country where no-one cared about me,' she said.

'I would have cared.' She gave him a look.

'Please stop insulting my intelligence,' she said witheringly.

'I'm not, I would have been there,' Ross said.

'There for me, like you were at the wedding, with your mind on somewhere else, wishing you were somewhere else, wishing that the woman who was giving birth was someone else?' she said with mockery. She shook her head. 'What a _wonderful_ experience that would have been for me,' she said sarcastically. 'Part of what made giving birth the amazing experience it was, one of the best days of my life, was having the people I cared about there, my family and friends — and David.'

'Oh the wonderful David!' Ross said, upset. It seemed that the wonderful David had everything.

'Yes,' Emily said quietly. 'You don't know how wonderful.'

'So you just _gave_ him my children.'

'When I married David, I gave him my undivided loyalty. That phone call was the last time I ever looked back,' Emily said. She twisted her wedding ring around the finger.

'But they are not his children,' Ross said. 'Here they've got me, an aunt, grandparents.'

'They've got all those, on my side and his, both sets living in the same country,' Emily said.

'But his side are not related to them, they can't care about them as much.'

'Blood isn't everything.' Thoughts of Monica's children and how much she and Chandler loved them stopped him going further with this argument.

'I want to see my daughters,' Ross said at last feeling fed up with Emily and her arguments. That was all that mattered now.

'You can't.'

'You can't stop me,' Ross almost shouted. 'I want to see them right now!' Emily replied steadily, not the slightest bit disturbed.

'My husband has taken them home.'


	11. Is That All?

****

Part 11 Is That All?

Ross sagged into his chair.

Taken them home?' Emily nodded and he knew it was no bluff on her part. Well I'll go over to England, to see them,' he said. Every problem had a solution and there was no need to get despondent. It was a minor setback, nothing more. I can do that. There are air tickets, it can be organised, it's not hard.' Emily used to fly all over the place, what made her think that he couldn't?

It's not as easy as that,' Emily said.

What do you mean? You have no right to stop me. I can make you let me see them,' Ross said, I know what kind of person you are, you think you can control everything, the way you tried to control who I could and couldn't see. Well guess what, it didn't work then and it's not going to work now. I'll get lawyers and they'll force you to let me see them.'

If you do I'll fight you every step of the way, and I'll win. These are English children who have two parents, a brother and someone else on the way,' Emily said, What are you? A foreigner —'

Excuse me!'

In England, where all this will happen, you will be a foreigner, with two other children by two different women, one of whom doesn't live with you,' she said scathingly, You don't think you'd ever get custody do you?'

I'm still their father, I may not get full custody — I wouldn't even look for full custody — but I've got rights,' Ross objected.

Prove it,' Emily said. And even if you do, they'll never put two little girls on a plane to go to a foreign country to some stranger. You don't know anything about them,' Emily said, What's Emma's favourite colour?'

It's — ' he stopped realising which Emma she meant.

Yes,' Emily said, _Your_ Emma probably likes Sunflower yellow.' Ross opened his mouth in shock. How did she know that? Oh she's about two isn't she Ross? It's either going to be that or red. Then it will be pink or purple. How does Jane deal with monsters under the bed?'

I don't know Emily but — ' he was about to say angrily that none of this is fair when Emily cut in. Under other circumstances he would not let her get away with any of this, but he could not resist listening to a fact about a daughter he didn't know but so wished otherwise. Emily said,

She used to have nightmares about them, but now she's got a miniature cricket bat by her bed so she knows she can hit them on the head. She thought that up all by herself. She's actually disappointed because the monsters don't seem to be there any more. Pity, I could have done with a full sized cricket bat at some stages of my life, it might have helped me — ' he was staring at her in bafflement and she sighed, You don't even know what cricket is do you?'

How the hell should I know that!' Ross exclaimed. How should I know about dumb British games? What the hell's that got to do with anything?'

It's part Emma and Jane's background. It's part of knowing them. You don't know anything Ross, you're a stranger in more ways than one,' Emily said.

You were the one who made me a stranger!' Ross shouted. and n - now you're taking advantage of it. You — you're just sitting there, taking advantage.' He couldn't stay seated any longer and paced the room again. There Emily was, sitting there, calm as anything. She'd won You chose to keep me out of their lives,' he said.

And I stand by my choice,' she said coldly. I see no advantage for them to have you in their lives.' This was terrible. Suddenly he was feeling like crying.

Do they even know I exist?' he asked. She nodded, surprising him. Why did you tell them?' he asked bitterly. Since you hate me so much?'

They look so different to David, there would be bound to be questions when they went to school. So they know their _biological_ father lives in another country. They didn't know it was in this country, although to be honest with you, they didn't ask,' Emily said. They were only five — they took everything for granted. It would never occur to them that they might ever need or want him. Emily had every advantage and he had none.

He tried another approach.

Can't we just settle this between us? Can't we be friends?' Once upon a time they had liked each other, couldn't they achieve something like that again?

Oh no,' Emily mocked, We can't be friends. My friends are nice to me. But that's not the reason we can't just settle it between us.'

Well what is the reason?'

If it was just me and just you it would be different,' Emily said, but I've got David to think about. He's their father.' Ross was about to interrupt but she carried on, I can't agree to anything without discussing it with him first.' She looked at Ross, I mean you'll have to discuss it with Rachel too. We can't just make arrangements without consulting other people.'

She'll agree with me,' Ross said, aware of not having asked her, let alone told her anything. But he was sure she'd be okay with whatever he came up with. She just had to be.

Well that's nice,' Emily said, But I can't make you any promises about David.' There was something so disheartening about the way she said it. When he met me, David thought he couldn't have children because of some story about mumps or something like that. The only way he thought he could have children was to bring up someone else's. They are, as far as he's concerned, his firstborn children.'

But he's got a child of his own hasn't he?'

James is _our_ third child,' Emily said. Oh he's special too. We consider him to be our little miracle, even though I suppose he isn't exactly a miracle from a medical point of view. I mean, because the doctors got it wrong about David, so there was no reason why he couldn't have children, but we still think of James as a miracle, all the same.' Emily smiled a sudden private smile and Ross noticed that her hand was resting on her belly. The one to come. They're all special, equally special to both of us.'

You're going to talk to him about my daughters,' Ross confirmed.

We'll talk, but I can't promise you anything,' Emily said.

Is that all you can give me?' Ross asked.

I'm not like you. I can't make you a promise I can't be sure I can keep,' Emily said, and lifted up a book that was lying on the coffee table. Opening it, she took out a photo which had been tucked between the pages. Handing it to him she said,

That's yours. Emma's wearing purple, Jane's wearing blue.' Ross stared at the picture of two little girls laughing into the camera. They were very alike but he realised they were not identical. Emma, Jane he said to himself, studying their faces. Jane's hair curled a little more, Emma's skin seemed slightly paler. Emily said as he looked at the photograph,

They're always like that, they're very happy little girls, the best of friends. We can take long trips in the car and they'll talk to each other all the way. If they ever fight, it's not for long.' Ross suddenly felt overwhelmingly sad and Emily continued with a smile that was a startling reminder of how she'd been when they had been in love, They like digging. They've only found broken crockery and marbles so far but that doesn't stop them. One day they'll find an animal's skeleton and then we'll really be in trouble. Maybe you will be in trouble too one day, in fifteen or twenty years when they wind up on your doorstep, asking to go on a dig.'

And that seemed to be all he was going to get.


	12. Rachel Finds Out

****

Part 12 Rachel finds out

Suddenly Rachel burst into the room with Emily's cousin close behind, making Emily and Ross stand up in surprise. Suddenly the room seemed way too small.

'What the hell have you been doing Ross? You've been here for more than an hour,' Rachel exclaimed, looking angry and a little frightened. Ross realised that Rachel was thinking the worst.

'Rachel — ' Ross began when Emily's amused voice cut through,

'What's the matter, don't you trust him?' She was smiling, still holding the book in one hand.

'You can just shut up,' Rachel told her and turned to Ross, glaring. 'What's going on? What are you doing here? What do you want to see _her_ for?' Ross rushed to placate her.

'Honey it's not what it looks like, did Monica tell you?'

'She just said you were meeting Emily here and I came over just in time to see you come in. Over an hour ago,' Rachel said accusingly. Then surely, Ross thought, she must have noticed that Emily had arrived perhaps only ten minutes ago. But Rachel was so agitated that perhaps she hadn't noticed Emily arriving — she might only have expected to see the worst. It didn't seem that she knew why he was seeing Emily — she probably hadn't waited to find out.

Turning to Emily, Rachel said, 'I don't care what you're up to but you just get on that plane to London right now. No-one wants you here, understand? No-one! And if someone hijacks your plane on the way back, that will be even better!' Emily looked contemptuous at this outburst.

'Take her away Ross,' Emily said to Ross, looking past Rachel. 'No-one asked _her_ to come barging in here. She's lowering the tone.'

'You can talk to me if you've got something to say!' Rachel demanded.

'I've got nothing to say to you. This is between me and him,' Emily said loftily, making Ross think she was being deliberately provocative. Deliberate or not, it provoked Rachel.

'You bitch!' Rachel lunged at Emily who hit her across the face with the book she had been holding before Ross and the cousin could get between them. Rachel staggered back at the blow and the cousin shoved Rachel out of the way before her outstretched hand could grab any of Emily's hair.

'Hey!' Ross said angrily as he caught Rachel. As soon as he made sure Rachel was okay he'd —

'You keep your filthy hands off her,' the cousin snarled at Rachel. 'She's a pregnant woman, you maniac!' Rachel, who had angrily shrugged Ross off, stepped back in alarm at his tone.

'Don't talk to Rachel like that - ' Ross said but the cousin turned to Emily, and said,

'Shall I call the police?'

'Police!' Ross exclaimed outraged, 'Now you look -' but this time it was Emily who cut across him.

'No need, _she's_ just leaving and so is Mr Geller.' Emily gave Ross and Rachel a hostile look, holding her book firmly as though she might need to use it again. The cousin glared at them.

'You heard Emily. Out.'

'Come on Rach, let's go,' Ross said, holding out a hand, 'I'll explain on the way home.'

'I'm not going anywhere with you,' Rachel said, infuriated. 'You let her hit me!' She slapped him and stormed out. Ross ran after her without seeking a final reassurance from Emily about the children.

He caught Rachel up on the street, but he had to hurry to keep up with her as she was setting a cracking pace.

'Rachel, listen to me honey.'

'No!' She charged over the road and Ross followed in trepidation. Rachel didn't so much as glance to the right before she crossed. Oh my God, he thought, she's so upset, she's taking her life into her hands...

'Rachel!' She whirled around and faced him.

'How could you do that to me Ross? I gave up Paris for you and the minute that bitch turns up you're over there!' Emily had made her nose bleed although it had stopped. Rachel angrily swiped away a comforting hand. 'How could you? After everything we've been through and the promises you made suddenly you're off, seeing your ex — '

'Come on, at least hear my side of it,' Ross pleaded. 'It's not fair of you to not hear my side.'

'Your side? You let her hit me!' Rachel exclaimed.

'I didn't let her hit you,' Ross said.

'You tried to protect her, you were holding me back,' Rachel said.

'I was trying to stop you falling over!' Ross said.

'You would have let that awful hit me too,' Rachel said.

'I would not have!' He wished that he had punched the cousin out but he hadn't thought it would help at the time. Now he'd do anything not to have Rachel think for a second that he had let her down. But what if they had called the police? He had seen both their faces, they would have called the police for sure, and how would that have looked, with Emily pregnant, saying that they had been brawling in front of her?

'It's so nice,' Rachel spat, 'That you've been having this wonderful get together, catching up on old times. Did you rekindle old feelings too? The first time round it happened kind of fast with you two!' Rachel started walking again and Ross had to hurry again.

'It's not what you're thinking at all.' Whatever she was thinking was bound to be wrong. In fact he was beginning to feel a sense of injury that she was thinking anything bad about him. That was the injury Emily had done him, thinking that he was wanting to see Rachel for the wrong reason, not trusting him even if appearances did look bad…

'Oh what am I thinking?' Rachel demanded, 'Huh Ross? Tell me what am I thinking?'

'All sorts of things that aren't true. Damn it Rachel do you think I wanted to see her?!' Ross exclaimed, 'I never wanted to see her again, she's a reminder of something very painful to me but I had to see her, okay? I _had_ to see her.' Rachel had stopped walking but she refused to look at Ross. He passed the photo in front of her eyes. 'Look.'

'What?' she asked and taking the photo, she stared at it. 'Who are they? Are they your cousin's children?' She sounded mystified.

'No, they're mine. And Emily's.' Rachel stared at him in disbelief.

'Emily had babies? Your babies?'

'Yes.'


	13. Rachel Listens

_Input is welcome. I can only see a few more chapters in this, the way it's going. Maybe that's all there needs to be._

**13. Rachel listens**

'Oh no,' she breathed, 'I mean they're pretty little girls but they should be ours, not hers,' Rachel said, her anger forgotten. Emma was perfect but Rachel would have loved it if she looked more like Ross. Emily didn't love Ross so why should she have children who looked so much like him? It just seemed so wrong. 'So that's what you went to talk to her about.'

'Yes,' Ross said, 'And she was late – nearly an hour late , so I wasn't with her for over an hour. It may have been ten, fifteen minutes. A horrible ten or fifteen minutes I swear. I never want to see her again, although I might have to.' Rachel brushed aside that explanation. It didn't matter any more.

'And you never knew?' Rachel asked.

'No, she never told me. If I'd known about them before I would have told you. I found out by accident, through Monica.'

'Monica?'

'If you'd stayed to listen to her she'd have told you.' Rachel paused. 'I bet you just took off without letting her finish what she was saying, just as soon as you heard Emily's name,' Ross said. Rachel nodded.

'How did Monica know?' she asked.

'She saw Emily in the street and she talked to her and found out that she had children, my children. So Monica told me. I've been trying to work out what to do for ages. I'm sorry I didn't tell you before but I wanted to know what was going on first before I told you the news. It kind of affects our lives, me having two more children. It's taken me all this time to track Emily down. I've been worried about her going back to London without me seeing her.'

'Did you see them?'

'No, her husband's taken them away.'

'Why didn't Emily tell you about them?' Rachel asked. She left the question of why Monica hadn't told her aside for later. 'She must have known about them when you got divorced, or when she agreed to marry another man, so why didn't she tell you? I mean, if she wanted to get back with you, like in that phone call, why didn't she say? We would never have hidden that from you and I know you would have been over there like a shot. You wouldn't have ignored that.' But where would that have left Rachel, she wondered. Should she be happy or sorry that Emily took that approach?

'She didn't want me to go back to her just because of the children,' Ross said. 'She said if we had got back together it would have had to have been because I wanted her, not because I felt I had some kind of obligation. Then after the phone call she – ' he didn't want to repeat what she'd said: I see no advantage for them to have you in their lives. She'd written him out of her life. Because he'd failed to call her back? 'She just wanted to keep me out. She got married to someone who wanted kids and didn't mind that someone else started them. She gave them to him. Like a wedding present.'

'You can't give someone a child, or children,' Rachel asserted. But that's what Emily had done, whether they liked it or not. Two children called someone else their father, for all they knew, those girls loved him as a father, and would find it strange to be told that their father was really someone else.

They walked along for a block in silence.

'So now you've got four children,' Rachel smiled. He enjoyed being a father and she knew he wished he could have a more active role in Ben's life. Emma was his little jewel and one day, although they hadn't made definite plans, Rachel thought they'd have another. But Ross was looking miserable.

'Rach, it's not going to be easy to see them,' he said.

'Why not? You're their father, you've got rights.' Rachel bit her lip. That didn't seem to give him any comfort. 'It would be hard, with them living in England and everything, but you could have them over for holidays. They look so cute I wouldn't mind looking after them while they're here.' Not since they looked so like him and so little like Emily. Getting fond of them should present no difficulties at all.

'She's called one of them Emma.' Rachel was taken aback.

'Well I'll just use a fake British accent when I'm talking to that child and a normal voice when I'm talking to my own,' Rachel said. 'We can handle it.'

'I don't know if I'm going to see them,' Ross said despondently. 'She wouldn't agree to anything without talking to her husband. He's taken them back to England so I can't ever see them.' If only he'd had the chance like Phoebe to hang around the park and look at them – although if he had he was not sure what he'd have done. He might have run out to hug them and who knew what trouble would have been caused by that? Emily and her cousin were so ready to call the police, probably her husband would have been the same.

'I can't believe her husband would care that much, they're not his children,' Rachel said, 'She's doing it all herself. If she won't co-operate, we'll sue. She can't stop you seeing your children.' That had to be right. The legal system had a solution for everything. They'd see a lawyer and then Emily would have to start co-operating.

'That's going to cost us a lot of money. It's not the money I care about, I don't need stuff, but I don't want Emma to miss out,' Ross said. 'I want her to have the best of everything.' Emily's goad of him being a part time father to Ben still stung. It hurt. He would be the best father ever to Emma even if he couldn't do the best for Ben.

'She'll miss out if she doesn't know her sisters,' Rachel pointed out. 'Doesn't Emily think that they will miss out if they don't see Emma and Ben? No, she's not thinking of that, she just wants revenge.'

'Yeah, well it's hurting me, so I guess she's getting revenge all right,' Ross said. Revenge for not returning the call, for not doing what she wanted, for not loving her enough, for things he couldn't take back any more. He had thought that he'd reached a point in life where everything was starting to settle down, and now he had this problem. Rachel hugged him but it would take more than that to make him feel better.


	14. Talking It Over

Part 14 Talking it over

'I can't believe you didn't tell me at the same time you told Ross,' Rachel said to Monica. Rachel had asked Monica and Phoebe to come over to Ross and Rachel's apartment to explain what had been happening and why they hadn't told her sooner. She was hurt and offended to have been kept in the dark. 'Don't you think I had a right to know?'

'I'm sorry Rach, I just thought it would be better if you heard it from Ross,' Monica said.

'I should have been told,' Rachel said reproachfully, 'I know they're not my kids but this affects my life too.'

'Sorry Rachel,' Phoebe said contritely, 'We didn't mean to hurt you. We were just so shocked at the whole thing. Here she is, with not just one, but two of Ross's kids. I mean I suppose there are other exes of Ross's that you would hate more for to have had Ross's children,' - at the moment Monica couldn't think of anyone except Chloe, Chandler's bad joke – 'Now you're both going to be stuck in a permanent relationship with her. It could ruin things for you.'

'It will not!' Rachel said, pride stung. 'Ross and I will face this together. I admit, I had a shock but most of that was because you'd kept it secret. If everyone had told me from the start what was going on, it wouldn't have been so hard. I accused Ross of terrible things because I didn't know what was going on.' She felt ashamed of that and resented having been put in the situation where she'd made those accusations.

'I'm sorry, I did try to tell you,' Monica said, 'You wouldn't let me finish.'

'Too late. But we've worked it out, between ourselves. We won't split because of it, don't think that we will.'

'We know,' Monica soothed.

'I can't believe you'd think that we would have problems,' Rachel said.

'I know you won't,' Monica said.

'Well you didn't act like it.'

'I'm sorry, I just don't want the slightest thing to go wrong. You're my friend, he's my brother and you have to admit that this is a really difficult situation for both of you. I couldn't take it if anything else went wrong.' They all stared into space for the moment.

'So what happens now?' Phoebe asked tentatively. 'I didn't get what had happened.'

'She won't let Ross see his kids,' Rachel said.

'What?' Monica said, alarmed. 'She can't do that.'

'Well she's going to try,' Rachel said.

'But, but, she can't, Ross is their father,' Monica said.

'She's had them taken back to England, although she's pretending to be a submissive wife and blaming it all on her husband. Ross said he took the children back to London.'

'Oh dear,' Phoebe said, 'I'm sorry, I may have caused that.' The other two looked at her. 'I met him in the park, with the girls. He noticed me and we got talking. He told me he was telling Emily that we were going to tell Ross.'

'I suppose she told him to take the children away,' Rachel said bitterly, 'Just to be difficult.'

'I don't know,' Phoebe said slowly. 'He looked kind of, I don't know, pretty determined himself.' Monica remembered him looking over Emily's shoulder at her. 'Maybe he is the one making decisions. I thought he was quite threatening,' Phoebe said.

'Did he threaten you?'

'Not exactly. He just looked like a bad man to cross and he looked really really determined.'

'It has to be her,' Rachel said, unconvinced, 'It's all her.' Monica held her peace but she thought that if Emily had been married for five years to the same man and had had two more children with him, they might be making decisions jointly by now.

'Well whichever of them it is, we've got to get them to change their minds,' Monica said. 'Talk to them.'

'It's no good just talking. Ross already talked to her, what good would more talking do?' She was uncomfortably aware that she might have made things worse by intervening and by trying to hit Emily. She had just felt so out of control with rage that she'd gone for her without thinking. She'd forgotten that Emily, pregnant or not, knew how to look after herself. At least she hadn't broken her nose with that book. She didn't want to have to explain why she had attempted to hit a pregnant woman. 'We'll have to sue them,' Rachel said.

'That'll be really expensive,' Monica said.

'Ross said that,' Rachel said, feeling annoyed at hearing it again. 'Money doesn't matter.'

'Yes but these things can get really out of control, and the more money you pay to lawyers, the less you can spend on Emma or Ben. You'll be fighting it out in their territory not yours,' Monica said.

'Thanks Monica, that really makes me feel a whole lot better.'

'Rach, you have to be realistic,' Monica said. 'I don't like the facts either but you're going to have to face them. It isn't going to help you if everyone says it's going to be really easy if it won't be.'

'How can we negotiate with her?' Rachel said.

'Well if it's her that's the problem, you're going to have to stay right out of the way,' Phoebe said. 'She's not going to want to deal with you.' Emily had already made that clear, Rachel thought.

'It isn't fair, how can she get away with this?' Rachel said. Monica hugged her silently. 'She has to let Ross see them, she just has to. He's their father, doesn't blood count?' Monica stiffened slightly and it was Rachel's turn to hug Monica. 'Oh Mon, I didn't mean to say that, but remember Ross didn't agree to this. He had no say in it at all.'

'No,' Monica said. 'I guess though I can see it from the husband's point of view. Your children are no less your children just because you're not their biological parent.' Rachel didn't know what to say. 'I think whatever Emily's opinion is, her husband's view is important too. He may feel threatened. And if he feels threatened then he's just going to say no.' Rachel could not believe that he would care that much but with Monica's sensibilities to consider she held off on going on about it.

'Well he shouldn't be,' Rachel said, 'We would never be able to get full time custody, not since their mother is alive and well.' If only she could prove that Emily and David were drug dealers or terrorists or something so that they could be locked up forever. Then they'd have to give the children to their biological father wouldn't they? 'We would only be asking for visitation rights. We're not trying to take them away. We wouldn't want to – I mean how could we find accommodation for two adults, three children plus a room for Ben when he comes over? We're not the ones being unreasonable here.'

'Let's hope you can convince him,' Monica said.

'But anyway, Emily should do the right thing, no matter what he says,' Rachel said.

'But when you're married, especially when it's something about the children then you have to do things together,' Monica said. 'You can't make decisions on your own. Rachel.' Rachel was mulishly looking away. 'You're going to have to be prepared to deal with both of them.' At that moment, Rachel wished something bad would happen to both Emily and her husband. But it would have to be something bad that didn't harm the children. Including the child Emily had already had with her husband. Including her unborn child – damn. It was just so hard.


	15. Unconvincing

Part 15 Unconvincing 

After a week of discussion Ross and Rachel decided that they could relocate to London. There were London based fashion houses that Rachel could get work with and Ross's qualifications would be recognised in English universities. Emma wouldn't notice the difference.

It was true that losing contact with their friends would be hard. It had been hard enough with Monica and Chandler going to the suburbs and then Joey leaving. Inevitably they'd seen less of Phoebe as well. The friendship between them was as strong, but it had changed and being in another country would change it even more. Ross and Rachel had concluded that it would just have to be, if that meant that they would be able to connect with his children.

The only person that needed to be considered was Ben.

'It would be a great adventure for him,' Rachel said, but she was hesistant to push her point of view too hard. She was careful not to overstep her boundaries. Ben had a mother. She was just there to support Ross.

'Yes,' Ross said nervously, 'It could be, y'know, a great opportunity. I'll talk to Carol.'

'No way,' Carol said firmly. 'The arrangements are staying the same,' she said. 'Ben lives in New York and that's all there is to it. Susan's had to pass up opportunities so that Ben could stay here in contact with you and I don't think it's right that you think you can just take him away from us just because you want to move overseas to be near your other ex wife.'

'But Emily won't come to New York,' Ross said. 'I'll never get to see my daughters.'

'I don't care where Emily and her children go,' Carol said, 'But Ben is staying here, where he belongs.'

'I can't manage with them all living in separate countries.'

'I'm afraid that's your problem. You should have been more careful,' Carol said.

'It's not my fault,' Ross said, feeling under attack. Carol snorted.

'It takes two, Ross. You didn't say no to sex, you're just as blameworthy as she is, you male chauvinist pig. Anyway, if the two of you were getting married, why should she have been worried about contraception? It's not unreasonable for a woman to have a baby when she gets married.'

'How am I going to manage?' he appealed.

'This is a mess you made,' she said unsympathetically. 'You deal with it. I'm not going to be made to pay for your mistakes and neither is Susan. Have you thought about Ben? What about his schooling? What about his friends? What about his sport? What about his other relatives, his grandparents and cousins and everyone? Do you think it's right to rip him away from all of that?' And then she added. 'What makes you think that Ben would want to go with you? Have you even asked him?'

'No,' Ross admitted, 'I thought I'd do the right thing and tell you first.'

'Thanks. I appreciate that. I promise I won't say anything to him before you do. But he's not going to want to go,' Carol said confidently. Of course he would, Ross thought, Ben was his son. It would be a big adventure.

When Ross talked to Ben he said,

'I'd miss you Dad, but if you have to go I'd understand. I'm not so little any more.' Since when had Ben ever thought of himself as little?

'I don't want to leave you behind,' Ross said, 'But your mother won't let me take you.' He didn't normally imply to Ben that there was anything wrong with his mother's decision making, even on the occasions he disagreed with her. He and Carol worked together, and he believed that this was the best thing for Ben, but this time he could not be in solidarity with her.

'I don't want to leave Mom behind,' Ben said. But he was happy to let Ross go.

'Did she talk to you about this already?' Ross asked suspiciously. Had Carol gone back on her word and coached him?

'No Dad,' Ben said, and showing that he saw through him said, 'I can make up my own mind. You go, if you need to. I'll understand.' Emily's expression of 'part time father' came back to him. His life had not been without its costs.

'So,' he said later when they were all at Monica's. 'I can go over there, try to get visitation rights on the weekends and see my son only a couple of times a year, which he doesn't seem to mind, or stay here and never see my daughters at all.'

'Can you get a job over there?' Chandler asked.

'Yeah, that's no problem, although I found out they won't call me professor over there.'

He shrugged, that was something he'd sacrifice if need be. The others looked at Rachel.

'I have some references,' Rachel said, 'I could get work in London if I needed it,' she said. It would be a hard thing to do but she'd do it. 'We've talked all this over. The only problem is with the children.'

'What do you want to do?' Monica asked. Ross looked at the floor and Rachel said.

'I want to do what Ross wants. I love Ben but then there are these little girls…'

'I don't know but it seems that I can see all of the children if I go to London,' Ross said.

'Well why don't you see what your chances are before you make major changes to your life?' Chandler said. 'Moving overseas is a big thing. See if the lawyers over there think you've got a chance of visitation right first.'

'Yes, you should do that,' Monica urged.

'But they will say that won't they?' Rachel said. That was a question none of them could answer.


	16. The Lie Of The Land

_**This is probably the second last chapter of this fic. I can't think of a reasonably realistic way to continue it. Any suggestions are welcome but I almost certainly won't take up any that involve sudden convenient deaths.**_

**The Lie of the Land**

Ross and Rachel were visiting England to see if anything could be done. There had already been negotiations with Emily and David - if they could be called negotiations at all. Emily and David had a silent number, and the only letters that were answered were answered by lawyers making it clear that they would have to fight every step of the way.

The first thing they had done was to get English lawyer of their own to find out what their rights were. They were told that they would have to spend a lot to get very little.

'And is this in their best interests?' the lawyer, Miss Carson asked them.

'But of course it is,' Ross said.

'Even if they know you exist, at the age these children are at, it could be confusing for them,' Miss Carson said.

'It's not Ross's fault if they get confused,' Rachel said. 'If she hadn't kept them a secret all this time, Ross could have stayed involved.'

'You can't just turn back the clock,' Miss Carson said. 'These are real living five year old girls who already have a father. They may not be able to deal with a second one, especially if they perceive that their mother and the man they know as their father are resistant to you.' There was no question that they wouldn't be resistant, Rachel realised. 'Of course in a few years time, when they start asking questions about who their father is, they'll be better able to manage.'

'Who says Emily's going to tell them about me if they ask her questions?' Ross said. 'Can we make her tell them?' Miss Carson shook her head.

'She's told them you exist, hasn't she?'

'So she says'

'Then they'll probably ask questions one day. She's likely to tell them about you if they ask questions.'

'If her husband lets her,' Ross said. Rachel just didn't believe in the husband. Wouldn't Emily just order him around?

'Children demand to know these things, if she deceives them, they'll call her on it one day. If she's sensible, she'll tell.' Ross and Rachel looked at each other. How would they know if Emily was going to be sensible? How could Emily have all this power?

Ross and Rachel had found out where Emily lived and they watched the house. It seemed a nice enough house in the suburbs for children to grow up in. Ross wondered whether the girls dug in the front or the back garden. He had walked up to the front yard once and had seen a small excavation site in one corner. Just like Emily had said. He suddenly felt very sad. He remembered the early excitement and anticipation of his childhood, hoping that something would turn up. He stared at the patch in the garden, wondering if they'd found anything.

'We're too obvious here,' Rachel said. 'Why don't we take the car into the next street?'

'But we won't see anything,' Ross said puzzled. Rachel pointed at the map that she'd been studying.

'They'll be going to school soon. The local school is this way. So the girls will be walking along this street - you can see them without Emily or David knowing you're watching.'

'Okay,' Ross said. He had thought that waiting outside would be the best option but he could see that Rachel had a point.

They moved the car that they had hired and parked it. About half an hour later, they saw the girls running ahead of David along the footpath - the same side that they were on, which was not what they had expected from looking at the map. Ross and Rachel took a breath in. Neither had seen the girls before in real life and they were struck at the sight of them.

The girls had passed the car and had come to a stop right in front of them and Ross and Rachel realised why they had been walking on this side of the street. Sitting on the wall, looking as though it owned the street and that every passer by was subject to approval was a large ginger cat.

'Mr Marmalade!' said one of the girls as she petted the cat.

'Dear Mr Marmalade,' said the other. The cat took all this as its due.

'How do you know it's a boy?' David asked, stopping while they fussed the cat. His voice was harder to make out as his back was turned to Ross and Rachel.

'Oh Daddy,' one of the girls said, 'Don't you know all orange cats are boys?'

'Everyone knows that,' said the other pityingly. And then,

'May we get a cat?'

'Please?'

'We'd love a cat.'

'We'd really love a cat.'

'Jamie would love a cat too.' That was something they could get, Rachel thought quickly. Somehow they could get a cat for the New York apartment, an orange one. That would be something for them to look forward to when they came. Getting a word in edgeways the man said, or at least they thought he said,

'No we can't have a cat yet, we've got to have the new baby first.' The owner of the cat, an old lady opened the front door and looked at them. The twins looked at each other and then at David,

'But Daddy, we need a cat.'

'We really need a cat,' the other said earnestly. The old lady put her hand to her mouth to stifle a laugh and David said,

'Come on, you'll be late for school.' It sounded like he was trying not to laugh. 'These two,' he said to the old lady, 'Are in love with your cat.' The twins turned to their feline friend.

'Goodbye Mr Marmalade, we love you.'

'We love you lots.'

'See you tomorrow.' They were walking away now. Rachel watched them go. Then she noticed Ross who had his head in his hands silently crying.


	17. The Last Word

**Emily's last word**

When Emily left the house in the middle of the day, leading her son by the hand, Ross and Rachel followed them. They walked in silence keeping some distance behind Emily as she interacted with her son, seemingly oblivious to all else.

She's got a child she loves and another on the way, Rachel thought, why was she being so difficult about the other two? No-one was going to take them away from her. Ross only wanted his rights...

Ross found himself missing everyone. Every mother child look he saw reminded him of Ben and Emma. They had both been left behind in New York, and he wanted to scoop both of them in his arms. He had room for two more...

When they reached a local playground, Emily took her son onto the grass with some toys. It looked as if she was going to stay there next to him.

'We can't talk to her properly next to a little boy,' Rachel whispered to Ross. She wanted a very frank discussion.

'You think we should call to her?'

'Well, yes,' Rachel said. She tried not to sound impatient, but they were doing this for him. She knew he didn't want to talk to Emily, after the way she'd rejected him and continued to reject him, but it was the only way. They had to take every last chance.

'Emily,' Ross called. Emily looked around and saw them. For a moment she glared at them in outrage and then she looked at her son, who seemed to be occupied with a toy truck. She got up and walked towards them.

'What do you want?' she demanded.

'We want to talk to you,' Ross said.

'You can do it through the lawyers,' Emily said, about to turn away.

'Can't you be reasonable?' Rachel exploded. She wasn't letting Ross stay in charge of this. He was being too soft on her.

'You'll have to discuss it with David.'

'You can't duck behind your husband like that,' Rachel said. 'You weren't this deferential to your first husband.' She hadn't been afraid to lay down her terms and conditions. Emily shot her a look of dislike and said,

'There are some things a woman should never have to put up with.' She looked over at her son and then back at Rachel.'Here and now, I have nothing I want to say to you.'

'Rachel speaks for both of us,' Ross said. Emily said,

'Well I suppose that's probably safest, under the circumstances. You can probably trust her to get her lines right.' She looked at Rachel. 'But there's nothing to discuss, and even if there were, I wouldn't do it without my husband.'

'How can this be so important to your husband? Now that he's got children of his own, surely he's going to be a bit more relaxed about the girls,' Rachel said. She understood what Monica had said, but Monica had not experienced childbirth. If she had, Rachel could not believe she would feel the same about the twins as she would about a child to whom she gave birth. She wouldn't love the twins less - but Rachel was sure a child to whom she gave birth would be loved more.

'I've explained this already,' Emily said.

'Not to me you haven't,' Rachel said. Emily looked at her briefly, as if toying with the idea of saying that she didn't have to explain anything to Rachel, but instead she said,

'When I started seeing David, he was the first person I dated after everything went wrong. It was fairly intense but I knew it was just a rebound relationship, not something that I could expect to last. It was just something to take the pain away.'

'Your pain?' Rachel asked, 'What about - '

'This is my explanation you wanted to hear,' Emily said coldly. 'I don't care if you hear it or not, but you were the one who asked.' Rachel subsided. 'I found out I was pregnant a few weeks after I started seeing David - actually he worked it out before I did. I didn't want to think about what being sick all the time meant. Being pregnant to your ex is the last thing you want to know about.

'I thought that would be the last I saw of David. I couldn't believe it when he told me how wonderful he thought it was. He knew you,' Emily said indicating Ross, 'were the father, but he also knew what you'd done to me.' Rachel opened her mouth and then closed it. She felt Ross suppress his own reaction as Emily continued,'and that I never wanted to see you again. So he said, if I was keeping the baby, I didn't have to be a single mother, he could act as the father if I wanted. I didn't have to do it on my own. He'd been told after he'd caught the mumps as a teenager that he would be infertile so that he'd never father any children.

'I didn't want to have a termination and he was so keen so I said yes. Then he asked me to marry him,' Emily sighed and looked at Ross. 'I wanted to see if that would make any difference to you so I thought I'd tell you about the wedding, but you were quite indifferent.' She should have been there, Rachel thought. She really should have been there. Again, she felt as though Ross was about to say somethingbut suppressed it. They both knew that Emily was quite capableof turning around and walking away if they annoyed her.

In spite of herself, Rachel was interested - it had never even occurred to her that Emily had had a point of view.

'So there was no reason for me not to go ahead,' Emily said.

'You didn't love him?' Rachel asked. That was impossible - you couldn't have feelings for two men at once, not true feelings. Although she didn't want to acknowledge that Emily might have had true feelings for Ross, she didn't see how it was possible that she could have had true feelings to David either.

'I didn't really believe in it any more to be frank with you. He loved me, but he was also interested in being a father and I thought that was a more solid basis for marriage.'

'Which you were ready to back out of, right until the day you married.' Or after for all we know, Rachel added to herself.

'If there was still a chance of a real relationship with Ross, I couldn't have married someone else could I?' Emily said. 'After everything that had happened, I still had hope. But of course he didn't ring back.' Emily shrugged, and looked over at her son. Ross might have been a lamp post for all the interest Emily took in him, and Rachel didn't know whether to be glad or annoyed.

'Why didn't you tell Ross you were pregnant? That would have worked,' Rachel said. She was glad that she hadn't, but Rachel still didn't understand the omission.

'He had to want me for me, not because he felt he had a duty,' Emily said. 'The chance I was talking about had to be for the real thing. I don't accept second best.'

'But your David only wanted you because you were pregnant,' Rachel pointed out. 'How can that be anything but second best?'

'He offered me the best of himself,' Emily said. 'I've always known that.' She suddenly smiled, and Rachel realised that they were suddenly being shut out while she remembered something nice. In a dreamy voice she said, 'At the wedding, I looked at him and realised that he really was the one for me...'

'That's very nice Emily, but we've come to talk about the children,' Rachel said sharply. Emily's eyes refocussed, looking first at her son, and then at Rachel.

'Talk all you want, we won't be backing down. As far as I'm concerned, you,' Emily said, looking at Ross, 'can wait until they ask for you.'

'Who says they're going to ask?' Rachel demanded.

'Oh I think they will,' Emily said. 'When that happens, you'll get a letter - from them, not from me.'

'And your husband will let them write to me?' Ross asked.

'How could he say no?' Emily said. Well Ross and Rachel didn't know. It was all in Emily's hands and they had no say in anything. 'It's going to happen one day. But that will be between you and them. Until you're invited, stay away.' She turned away and walked back to her son.

'I thought that we'd had some hard times before but this is the hardest,' Rachel said sadly as they walked away.

'They looked so happy,' Ross said. 'I can't mess that up, just for one or two visits a year.'

'You're going to give up?' Ross sighed.

'What can I do? What kind of a relationship am I going to have with them? I can't be a father, they've got one.' Rachel put her arms around him.

'He'll never be as good as you.'

'I hope he'll be better,' Ross said, 'They're my children and I can't help them if he's not a good father.'

AN: I am ending it here even though it's a bit flat,because I have no ideas for continuation.


End file.
